Some people can’t be happy unless their present reality is perfect. If not, they will gladly fuss over everything – their family’s dinner, a spouse who is running late and on the verge of ruining a nice evening out with the parents, the annual promotion that didn’t work out favourably, the cake designer who failed to deliver – willing things to model out exactly how they want them.
Staying around people like this would wear you out. They are never happy. Their happiness is attached to events, circumstances and people. Whatever spurts of joy they manage to have are always cut short the minute the unexpected happens.
Luckily, there’s another specie of people(specie because they are unique) who radiate happiness from within. Their joy is not fleeting – happy when it’s rosy and agonizing to be around when things go south.
Oh, they do get sad and troubled when negative things happen but the difference is they understand that you can’t possibly have it all under control. So instead, they choose joy every single day. How?
- Doing what they can and leaving the rest
- Trusting God
- Choosing contentment
- Not giving anyone power over their happiness.
I sat down with self-development coach, Ego Aniebue who recently released a book on finding happiness, which she titled, The Complete Guide To Raising Your Vibrations For A Fuller More Vibrant Life. I got the chance to learn how I can create the life I want, a life of purpose, fulfilment, love and happiness, and it all starts with a decision.
“What you choose to focus on will indeed become your reality.” She says to me. “For the larger part of my life, I struggled with anxiety, self-loathing and an embattled sense of worth. I felt sad most of the time, lonely, and tired. And all of these overwhelming feelings fueled my insecurities”.
However, this description didn’t fit the personality of the young woman seated across from me. The lady who hopped on a zoom call with me radiated quiet confidence, peace and an I’ve-got-my-life-under-control-vibe. The transformation was loud.
“Change wasn’t easy. The decision was mine, but I didn’t have the strength to push forward easily with it. I welcomed it though, after years of back and forth. I had to fight for the life I wanted. Today, I am living it. And I am extremely thankful”.
Having the power to decide how she responds to life’s curveballs, and the excitement of consciously living out the life of her dreams, Ego revealed that she just couldn’t lockup, she had to share her journey, and be the light for others to attain a life of purpose, love and resplendent happiness, through the law of vibration and attraction.
Alexilore: Where did the inspiration behind your book raising vibrations come from?
“My life, and how I have been able to morph into this level of growth that I am at right now which I have achieved by channelling positive energy. I have gone through experiences that broke me, so haven gone through all of that, and still being able to find light, create happiness for myself and by myself… I said to myself, people need this too. There has to be a way I can show people how I found happiness. The first thing I did was to write an Instagram post and put it out there. But I felt it was not enough, I needed to do much more. This birthed the idea of compiling my knowledge into a book. And as I continued to do my research and continued to write, the vision took shape”.
A lot of people have come to associate teachings like raising your vibrations/energy and the laws of manifestations as polar opposites with Christianity. Much thanks to Stargazers and Tarot card readers and people who prefer to identify with “the universe” rather than with God, many Christians tend to shy away from such teachings. In your book, The Complete Guide To Raising Your Vibrations I noticed you used “the universe” and God interchangeably. As a Christian is it okay to adopt a vibrational lifestyle?
True, most of the books and materials associated with manifesting desires and raising your vibrations have been about the stargazers and tarot readings, people that don’t believe in Christ. That was why I was not surprised when a lady who was very excited about promoting my book even before I had a release date, cancelled out of the blue when I told her the title. She was like no, I can’t promote it anymore, and I was not surprised.
I am a Christian, I believe in Christ, and I acknowledge all that God has done in my life. In my book, I did not try to differentiate between God and the Universe because I believe they are one and the same. God created us in his own image and likeness, right? And I believe that mankind is created in God’s own kind. For us to be more God-like we have to be more humane – spread love, live in that love light and kindness.
But how can that be possible when we are not even kind to ourselves? So my book is about finding happiness. Giving you practical steps to create a life that is full, fulfilling, exciting and enthusiastic. There’s nothing I shared in this book that doesn’t reflect God’s promises and hope for us. I mentioned forgiveness, gratitude, conscious thoughts, meditation, surrounding yourself with beauty, good people, good food, affirmations, as some of the things to do to rid yourself of negative energies and raise your vibrations. You have to be responsible for your emotional, mental and spiritual balance while putting God at the centre.
How has this lifestyle impacted your life?
I won’t say I have mastered raising my vibes, because it’s not something you master, it’s something you have to consciously practise each and every day. Because every day is a challenge. And having it at the back of my mind that, okay, this is how life is – unpredictable – and choosing not to wallow when things don’t go right, has kept me afloat.
When you have bad days what do you do?
It is futile to operate from a place of low energy because nothing good is going to happen from there. You have to elevate your energy, don’t dwell on the negatives. In my book, I stressed the importance of setting the tone of your whole day right from the minute you wake up. So when I wake up in the morning, I wake up thankful. For everything happening around me, even the air I breathe. Doing this, I have set the atmosphere of how my day should be, bright and positive. So even when things start going wrong, I acknowledge the situation and I look for the rainbow or better still focus my energy on fixing what I can about the situation.
Hope for the best while preparing for the worst isn’t that a form of self-sabotage? Sending out both negative and positive energy?
No, not at all. The truth of the matter is if you are prepared for the worst, you are prepared. The truth about life and being able to be happy and fulfilled depends on the ability, to be honest with yourself. The knowledge that anything can happen at any time puts you at an advantage because anyhow the situation goes – it works out or not, you are prepared for both outcomes. Everybody wants things to happen the way they want them to but to be honest it doesn’t really happen that way all the time. This is why people plan for financial emergencies. Why do people do that? It’s maturity, to have a plan b. It’s not negative or about you doubting anything. In truth, you will feel more empowered because “I got this. No matter how it goes, I’m prepared to handle it.”
What is ‘meditation’ to you and why is it important to raising one’s vibration?
Meditation is very spiritual and I love it so much. It is about spending time with yourself and getting centred. But how can you be centred when you are always busy with your phone, working or with people. When you meditate you can visualize and have deep conversations with yourself. The goal of meditation is to find inner peace – zen. Which will result in a higher vibration. It’s best to find a quiet place to meditate, it keeps you free of distractions. But there are times when you are outside and the situation you find yourself in requires your calm, no matter what is going on, you just have to zone out right away and reclaim your peace. This comes with practice though, to be able to meditate in a chaotic environment.
Without forgiveness, it’s impossible to have a happy life. Any recommendations for someone struggling with grudges?
I have had several experiences that have required my forgiveness. But I don’t think I’ve ever had to go tell the persons involved, I forgive you. Especially when they didn’t care or ask for my forgiveness.
The kind of forgiveness that’s harder to do is the one of forgiving yourself for the mistakes you’ve made. That was a little bit hard for me. Because it’s deeper than me saying, Ego, I forgive you. It is telling myself a lot of hurtful truths and recognizing who I was and where I was in that particular phase of my life, and being able to learn from that and grow from it too.
If you need to forgive someone or yourself, do it. Be honest with yourself about what happened, and why it happened. Don’t judge. And in order not to dwell too much on it and incur negative energies, be quick to call the trash out for what it is. Recognize your pain for what it is, and be kind to yourself. It’s easier when you understand why you need to forgive. Not because the person who wronged you deserves it, but because you love yourself enough to let go for the sake of your health, your energy and your peace.
What are your three keys to finding happiness?
Honesty is number one for me. You have to be honest with yourself to tell yourself the truth, no matter how painful it is and it also helps you to hold yourself accountable.
Love of course – Through love, you can find good support systems when you need them.
Determination – Determination fuels passion.
What other three books can you recommend for someone who wants to know more about this lifestyle?
You are a Badass by Jen Sincero – It’s a great book for personal growth. It also provides practical steps you can use to help transform the way you live so you can create the awesome life that you want.
The untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer – It’s a great book on meditation and mindfulness to help transform your relationship with yourself and the world around you.
The power of habit by Charles Duhigg – A good read to help you develop good habits that will transform your work and personal life for the better.
Bonus Read – The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John C. Maxwell.
What are the foods you fall back on when you need to keep your energy on a high?
Fruits! I love fruits. And red wine in moderation. I love beans and plantain too. Giving your body healthy foods, especially food you love is a form of self-love.
What are your daily affirmations?
I affirm to wake up empty today. To wake up empty tomorrow. I affirm to have a goodnight sleep and to take better care of my body mind and soul by meditating. Me wanting to wake up empty is me opening myself to all the knowledge for the day.
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Featured Image: Ego Aniebue