A girl just wants to connect – It’s our psychological makeup; the desire to form emotional connections in any environment we find ourselves. This is really cool because people are our greatest assets alright, but the downside to this is that too many emotional connections with the wrong people will result in so many girls walking around with a lot of baggage – bits and pieces of ‘toxic’ inherited from wrong relationships.
“Look! Pain is riding a porsche”.T.D Jakes – The lady, Her lover and Her Lord
Guard your heart with all diligence for out of it comes the issues of life(Message). There will be times in your life when you will thank God for this word.
It’s very important the company you keep because your relationships, (both sexes but in this article, I am addressing female friendships) they have the power to influence your perception of the world, your core values and your perception of self.
Teenagehood is a time where character development begins to take form. There’s so much innocence during this time, that we are gullible to the influence of peers and cliques. The moment we are released from the dainty, four walls of family and receive permission to mingle, we pick up bits and pieces of other people, consciously or unconsciously. This interaction has the power to change the course of our lives.
When you were much younger, you may not have had the emotional independence to decide who you wanted in your life, and who you didn’t. Life was a major ‘go with the flow’ thing. Whatever was trending at the time and what seemed ‘cool’ with your mates, you did them to avoid being a dork.
High school is where a majority of girls join their first-ever female clique. If you didn’t have a squad, you had to attach yourself to one or create one. The result – we got mixed up with wrong values, toxic habits, bad influences in the name of sisterhood. You know what? We can all be excused on the premise that the majority of us lacked emotional maturity.
Guess what? That little girl is not so little anymore. You are a grown woman, now in your 20s and 30s, and if you are still tied up in wrong relationships, you need to wake up. You ought to be accountable in every area of your life, including your friendships. I mean, you need to do a regular mental evaluation of your life, the people innit and your choices or soon enough reality will dawn, and you will realize you’ve got the wrong people in your corner.
This generation is big on celebrating sisterhood – you know, everywhere on social media, it’s about my girlfriends and I or hashtags celebrating the feminine bond: #squadgoals, #timeoutwiththegirls, #happyhourwithmygirls. There is this silent pressure to be in a clique, have a squad or have a bestie you can discuss any and everything with without which life wouldn’t be blissful.
I am a believer that it is not good for man to be alone but also an advocate of don’t let your need for companionship or social acceptance drive you into wrong relationships (It’s just like choosing a spouse. Your choice of a spouse is going to affect the trajectory of your whole life.) Your female friends may not all stay in your life forever. Friends are bound to come and go, and during which time, they will make deposits into your being. The question is, is it gonna be good or bad deposits? The choice is yours.
Guard your heart with all diligence out of it are the issues of life(Message).
Your friends are the family you get to choose, so choose wisely. There are ways to know if your female clique is worth it or you should jump ship.
How to know if the clique is toxic
Constantly walking on Eggshells
Because you don’t what they are gonna say at any minute that would rip your heart apart. Laughing as I type this but it is true. If your female clique is in the habit of belittling you, and your goals and always find ways to, Nigerians will say, pour sand in your Garri in the most deconstructive way ever, please zip out of there.
Have your back
This is a litmus test for friendship. Before you ever call anyone your friend make sure that when the chips are down, they will defend you and not join the crowd to judge and crucify you. It’s not really about what they say behind your back, it’s about why they were so comfortable to say it in her presence. Honestly, I respect the friend that stands up for me against the mob, and in our quiet moment she goes, but girl, you know you messed up.
You constantly give of yourself, your time, your money, your presence, and they don’t reciprocate. Theirs is always more important, their problem is always the urgent one, and their happiness has to come first. Keep up with these friends, and very soon you will feel emotionally drained.
If you can’t depend on your girlfriends, what’s the use? Friendship is dependability. I can count on you. You will follow through with your word. I can vouch for your character.
This clique will cheer you on all right, but only unto danger. The more dangerous a situation is, the more their ‘go girl!’ testosterone levels spike. When you need them to cheer you onto something worthwhile, they never seem to be bothered. Don’t worry girl, you’ll be fine.
I knew you were trouble when you walked in, shame on me now – This line from Taylor swift just about explains it all. If your clique is always in some form of trouble or the other and get you mixed up in it, you need to do some serious evaluation of your goal in life, and if those goals don’t align with that of your girlfriends, you better pull out.
The family that prays together stays together. As a Christian girl, what are you doing in a female clique with values entirely different from yours? If your girlfriends can’t hold you up in prayers, find another that will. Your spiritual growth is too important to treat casually.
Finally, until you find your family, stay single(I mean one-man army). You won’t die!