If you don’t want to imperil(this big word is making me laugh) your relationship+financial future, this is the talk-money questions you should ask your man.
I have always believed that before you ever reach that phase of deciding to spend forever with your partner, you guys should have had ‘the talk’; a combo of all the very important things that will sustain a relationship, even after the ephemeral attributes in your partner has faded away(or is no longer shacking/exciting).
The talk will include their spirituality, morality; values, their definition of right and wrong(you don’t even have to sit down with them to talk this out, you will see it. Inevitably they will be showing you snippets of who they truly are every day-just as long as you are paying attention), and religion; while spirituality is all about their personal spiritual foundation, religion is about their church and doctrines.
Are you in agreement with your partner’s beliefs?; will you be moving to his place of worship(vice versa)? What church will the kids be growing up in? These are very important inquiries-I must not forget to mention genotype(hmm, time for some serious pondering, I know).
Sometimes couples get carried away in their relationship they lose sight of the important things. I understand, I do.
“Can two walk together except they agree?” Amos 3:3 is the scripture you should always refer to whenever you are faced with tough choices involving your relationships.
Money questions to ask your man
What is their financial situation?
Is your partner’s purse stuffed or wanting? Many a time a wife has mistaken her husband’s inability to provide as a deliberate act of stinginess when in actuality, he really does not have. You would think, but the wife is supposed to know what is on ground right?
It will interest you to know that some men lack transparency when it comes to their finances-having spoken with a few of these men, I came to the understanding that a man’s income and his ability to provide is wrapped around his ego(some men won’t tell their wife how much they earn, because sometimes they feel the pay is too small ‘if I let her in on my income, she won’t think highly of me’).
Sometimes this insecurity is stemmed from the fact that she earns significantly higher than he does(not all men, mind you. Some of our men are the real MVP’s). I won’t call-out our men without balancing this scale; some women hide their income from their husbands because they feel he will bleed them dry(through incessant financial demands).
Before deciding to commit the rest of your life to someone else, you have to understand what you are signing up for, especially when it comes to debts. It’s no longer going to be ‘his’ debts’ but ‘our’ debts. Even if you decide to adopt an unbothered attitude; ‘my man will pay it from his purse, I won’t have to contribute a dime’. Remind me how is he your ride or die again?
Before committing to ‘tie’ snickering a lil’ your life to another person, you both should be financially accountable to each other(financial trust). I know not everyone will agree with me, but it is what it is.
What is his/her career blueprint?
Your partner, is he comfortable with your job? Do you have a clear-cut career plan, and does he know about it? Does he support the vision? Have you found out what he envisions you would be doing once you both tie-the-knot(do you know if he is making plans for you to be a stay-home-mom with a shop in front of the house? just saying)?
You don’t want to marry and have le boo look at you funny when the subject of your job comes up, and he is like, ‘Babe, I thought that by now you would have prepared your resignation letter. I don’t want my wife working for nobody’, and Sis will be like, ‘ you say waaah, we never discussed that’.
If your significant other does not support your career moves, you will have to fight a greater battle. He doesn’t even have to love what you do, as long as he is solidly behind you(I heard Mercy J’s husband is not a fan of her acting, but since she loves it, he encourages her).
Who is going to be holding the purse
If your SO is very open-handed and swift to dole out bills while you are conservative and purposeful with how you spend, then you and le boo should agree to let the shrewd partner be in charge of the family’s purse.
Joint savings or individual saving account
‘Never can I ever have a joint account with my man’, if this is what you tell yourself, it’s all good and fine. The important thing is to find what works for you as a couple; joint savings, individual savings, so long as it serves its purpose.
Often overlooked but you would want to know how your partner feels about travelling for work. Would he be in support of your travelling to another state, a country even, to start a new job? Will he trust you(sometimes it’s about trust too) to let you go off without him? Will he be ready to relocate with you if he can or will le boo be all like, ‘you are not taking that job, find a nice one around and that’s my decision’.
Planning for a future with le boo involves you put career plans into perspective too-you don’t want to walk into that marriage and be like, how come we didn’t discuss this before now.