Platonic male friends give the best advice – seriously.
From talking about other guys, to drumming out all my life’s woes into their ears(like I’m the only one who carries the world’s problems on her shoulders), critiquing base television programs, mapping out where and when our next hangout is going to be and who’s going to be the one to pay “this time”, name-calling, talking about their girlfriends(yeah, I do that. Tongue out), to the number of times they have saved my asses and come through for me.
And if I were to count the number of times my male friends have been my personal “TED talks”, my platonic male friends are hands-down one of the best things in my life.
This month of May is Mental Health Awareness Month. And my mental health story won’t be complete if I don’t acknowledge the role of platonic male friendships in my life.
I agree with the writer of this article, “The Word ‘Platonic’ Is Sacred. Literally.” where she said your platonic friendships are sacred and should not be treated with indifference.
No, what we have is not “just” platonic. Nah, it’s is not “merely” a platonic relationship I have going with so-and-so. What we have is real and true, and very important to my emotional health. My mental health, and my growth as an individual.
The same way a girl’s relationship with her father is something sacred(pure, true and very necessary for her balanced development), that’s the same way I feel about my platonic male friends, because whenever I am in their space – or they are in mine- it’s all pure love. No pressure to impress. They are my homies, there’s no romantic friction whatsoever. It’s just me, and my guys loving each other and having each other’s backs.
Last year 2019 up until now, I have been going through a very “funny” phase and I have largely been able to remain positive and upbeat because of the healthy headspace that my platonic relationships bless me with.
I have the guy I call when I need a good laugh. There’s the guy for deep, emotional conversations about life and its complex complexities (I’m constantly overthinking even mundane things). I have male friends for when I have gotten myself into some serious mess, and I need “elp!” or when I need another’s pov.
Yesterday I was sharing with Kobi some of the challenges I was facing with my work. The guy sat me down(literarily) and dished out really powerful insights. I was stunned. I was like “Hanty”- I am the hanty- do you think at all? See ideas going overlooked right under your nose.
Our platonic male relationships are so underrated by us girls, and I know that if we appreciate and cultivate these friendships more, we would be better for it.
“Every girl needs a boy best friend” who said that? I don’t know. But it is true. Every girl needs a few boy friends that are just that, “boy friends” – mind the space.
“Boy friend” or platonic male friend is defined as:
Love or friendship intimate and affectionate but not sexual.
nonsexual · nonphysical · chaste · spiritual · intellectual · friendly
So yeah, you guessed it; the guy you are in a long term situationship with does not count as platonic.
Neither does the friends-with-benefits-thing that you have going on and even your partner – lover and best friend, which I totally support – does not count.
Unrequited love too does not count.
So if you are probably wondering, can a boy and a girl really be just friends? My answer is darn right, “YES”. Although this kind of relationship is rare because most times our interactions with the opposite sex is usually romantic/sexual – one party wants a relationship, and the other doesn’t or they both want a relationship(at least something close to a relationship).
Still, there are times when a guy walks into our lives, and a fast friendship is formed without romantic attachments, and both parties are on the same page.
And for some people, they find that what had originally started as a romantic relationship -after going through a lot of detours on the way-finally gets to the place of Philia – brother and sister love.
Even though platonic relationships are rare, they are – if nurtured – going to be some of the best relationships you will have.
Below are some of the reasons why I wouldn’t trade my platonic male friends for anything:
I am completely at rest in their presence because I know they truly like me for who I am, and I don’t have to pretend. This knowledge takes the pressure to impress off my shoulders. Last-last I know they have my back. They won’t intentionally withhold information that they know would be for my benefit –everybody gets a piece of the cake- which is much more than I can say for a lot of female friendships.
They call me out when I’ve been baad
Guys can be very blunt and honest, I don’t find it pleasing to be on the receiving end of their “brutal” reprimand. They dish it as is – no time to mince words or pet.
“You messed up, shouldn’t have said that. You should have done it this way”. Still, they help keep me straight and accountable at all times.
They are the best confidants
There are some exclusive things I can’t discuss with my girlfriends -never-never-never-just-don’t-try-it- but I can easily lay out all my cards on the table for my male friends because I know they will give their unbiased, honest opinions.
And besides, if you think you know so much when it comes to life experiences Sis, you will find out you are just a learner. Guys reach a stage of independence very early. So where you’ve tried 1, they have tried 10. They know more than you do (usually) even if you think say “Na you tear eye pass”.
I am a trusting person. And I have had to learn the hard way to go and meet a male friend or two to co-sign on my actions before I make a move when dealing with people – of the world.
Thank God for this, this alone is enough! I bring enough drama to the table already – I’m a girl duurh. I am really grateful for healthy friendships with no backbiting, jealousy, unhealthy competition – I have healthy female friendships. But with my guys, the energy is always different.
Platonic male friendships give you access to all the bro codes
Women are always on a, what’s-he-thinking-train and on a why-does-he do-what-he-does thought process. We are always trying to figure out how to navigate romantic relationships with the opposite sex by ourselves. Whereas, some of the best advice we can get is from our platonic male friends.
Just think of all that much advice going to waste because we don’t know what we got. You should read Alexilore’s article, ‘How long is long enough for a guy to propose’. It talks more on why you need to ask your male friends for advice.
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