As much as we celebrate Periods and welcome it in our teenage years as the first induction into womanhood, will I be breaking some sort of girl code if I say I am not a fan? The true fact is my emotions are bordering on resentment towards this ‘mystic, life-giving covenant between women and – nature?’ I am sorry, but I’m NOT ‘happy’ Period.
A lot of us have had embarrassing Period moments – my menstrual period has dealt with me in inventive ways, several times with no regard to my state of mind, location and occasion. It has made me wonder, what crime the female species committed to deserve the anguish and distress of Periods (rolling my eyes, not the Eve story, please).
I didn’t always have pain, so it felt odd for me when my girls complained of dysmenorrhea and curled up on their beds. I felt no empathy, and I thought, well, lucky me, until I experienced my first session with period pain; which is so bad, that I suspect my body made up for the previous pain train I somehow missed. You should see me when the Red visitor comes around; screaming like a woman in labour, except no baby, just me and bloated tummy, and to top it all off, like the icing on the cake, mine comes with diarrhoea.
You can only imagine what’s it’s like, except you go through something comparable. Bless you when it starts early in the morning, just know that all your plans till high noon, have to come to a grounding halt, or if it catches you in between hustling a bus ride in town or in the office with your colleagues, and they have to watch the humiliating spectacle of you labouring and you are like, ‘please clear road, I am on my period’. Believe it, some of us are resistant to pain killers.
I remember this story a friend told us while in school – I would call her Ms Lipstick to preserve the magic, about her bash-in with her latest period then, which according to her, was ahead of her calculated time. So when she noticed stomach pains during the day, she didn’t regard it much until it gradually progressed into what seemed like astral hands groping her stomach wall. Gritting and screaming hours later, her panic-struck mom rushed her to the hospital, after Ms Lipstick convinced her mom it was 100% Not period. The nurses kept on asking, are you sure this is Not — but she blamed it on food. Fast forward to Sedatives, sleep, and a full day later, she saw the first red blush – it was embarrassing explaining to the nurses and her mum, that she was absolutely fine.
What are your embarrassing Period moments? Share them with us.