There’s no shame innit – here’s why you need to find a ready-made man.
My lovers! I have been down with purpose fatigue – a natural phenomenon where sometimes, you just feel like throwing in the towel, ‘I can’t do this no more’ for several reasons which could be attributed to – I don’t want to say writers block – lack of inspiration, certain funny funny somethings – is why I have been absent.
I don’t think I have bounced back. I’m just self-motivating because it has to get better. I know someone reading this may be struggling with purpose fatigue, that’s why I will be writing about how to deal with it soon.
Right now, we are going to gossip about ‘Man’; the ‘almighty’ ready-made man, how society defines a ready-made man, why they are such a big deal and why you need one – we all need one.
‘ So you no see Commissioner pikin you no see Otedola pikin you no see Mike Adenuga son or you no see Lulu Briggs pikin, Dangote sef you no see. She go saaay, aunty, na love oh, na love oh’- From the 2015 song, Who No Like Better Thing by Mr. 2Kay and the Jonsers
I can’t pinpoint the age a female child enters the quest to find a man and keep him, but it starts early, before secondary school, right from when being daddy’s girl was the ultimate goal. When we are released from the shelter of home, we discover there are other types of men that are not daddy, and we want their attention too.
Soon every girl enters the age where she looks to settle down, and she has to make shrewd choices. The family has expectations (voiced or not) if they are not bluntly telling her, ‘I am not sending you to this overpriced school for nothing. Make sure you keep one eye on your books and the other wide open’ then they are subtly nudging her not to marry down – find you a Prince Charming; Knight in shiny money.
It’s our hustle to find attract and keep a man not just any man; a ready-made man. You may not like it but men like this are such a big deal.
Let me break it here. I put my MCM and WCW on the spot by asking them to give me their definition of a ready-made man and they said
Sammy: A man that has money, a house, a good job, and living comfortably.
Gift: A man that has a house on Banana Island! Lol. He has it all figured out. The key point is you don’t have to struggle with him and you don’t have to build with him. He cannot be broke even if he stops working. The only thing he does ‘not have’ is a wife. He is super super financially stable, travels to the Bahamas every weekend(laughs). He probably has his Company.
The basic attributes of a ready-made man are;
he comes correct with cold cash, coveted job, an apartment (not a face me I face you), an automobile; not cough and starts ‘motor’ – you get the drift? Okay, good.
There are levels to ready-made, but those are like the key possessions. His car may not be a 2020 model, but it’s clean. His apartment may not be fully furnished, but it’s not cramped and begging for air. He has money for weekend big boy spending, not the one that by the middle of March he has already spent April salary in a desperate attempt to patch up bills. He has a job that pays really well or he is Mr CEO or on the Board of Directors somewhere.
‘Your hustle don pay’ is when you land the guy that travels to the Bahamas every weekend – better yet as Adekunle Gold’s apt verse says, ‘I will take you on vacation 6 months, twice in a year’ – omolowo (child of money)! What else can a girl ask for?!
Society will have you believe you have made it for life, your head is good, your mama born you well, what else?
Kizz Daniel said ‘na money go give you fake sweetheart’, even though he was most likely referring to his challenge of finding true love because of his wealth. I am also inferring it to mean, when money is what you prioritize when it comes to finding a man, then you will likely end up with a mediocre relationship – a relationship that shouldn’t ever have happened in the first place.
He has money, but he also has; daddy issues, is a spendthrift, an abuser, paedophile, womanizer, alcoholic, gambler – sis is this your ready-made man? No!!!
I want us to redefine the narrative of who a ready-made man is – are you ready to shake this table? I assume you are yelling “Yes!” So let’s go.
A true Prince Charming
Before he meets you, he should have developed strong character; in the sense that he is disciplined, honest, trustworthy. He has an understanding of who he is as a person, what he wants or at least what he does not want out of life, what he stands for – a man that has a sense of responsibility for his affairs.
Character is about having basic things like accountability; A man has to be accountable to himself and have someone he is accountable to; someone he listens to; a mentor figure.
Imagine if for some reason you can’t get him to listen to you over some really serious action step that concerns you the next best thing is to seek out the person he listens to, and get that someone to talk with him. If there is no one that can influence him positively, then get prepared for a rocky ride.
This is very important. I don’t know if you have ever heard a man say something like ‘I listen to no one, I answer to no one, I am my own man. Nope, my conscience does not disturb me’- sis, run from such a man. When he decides to manhandle you, there will be no conscience to keep him in line.
A man with character won’t be out drinking when he knows you will be up waiting for him. He won’t say to you “see you later” and in the next few minutes he is on your Newsfeed for starting a fight – if you find this funny then think about the celebrity that has been in the news over and over again for fighting.
He won’t use his wealth to oppress others.
‘Many a man claims to have unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?’ Proverbs 20:6
You see, this Bible is so deep; I have never once believed that all this scripture means is, ‘a man who doesn’t cheat who can find?’
Faithful: firm and not changing in your friendship with or support for a person or an organization, or in your belief in your principles.
committed dedicated devoted firm loyal stalwart staunch steadfast approving steady true unfaltering unshakeable
A ready-made man is a man who is faithful in his love to you.
You can count on his word. He has developed himself so much that anyone can stand on his word when it really matters. His yes remains his yes and his no, no. If for whatever reason he can’t do as he says he lets you know. That’s maturity. You really do not want to be stuck in a case scenario of my man said this, therefore I can expect the opposite.
A man who has developed his capacity to love
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” – Ephesians 5:25, KJV.
When Paul gave this admonition he spoke specifically to men because love does not come naturally to men as compared to women who are nurturers.
A man has to have schooled himself on what the Bible calls love for him to properly love his wife.
What are the traits of love say them with me?
Love is kind, love is patient love is gentle love is not self-seeking…
He does not need you to be his mama
A ready-made man is a fully grown man who is not still clinging to his mother scripture leave and cling. He has to leave his mama before he can cling to you. Leaving his mama means he does not have to depend on his mother to continue meeting his physical, emotional, psychological needs.
And he does not need you to duplicate the role of his mother in his life. There is a difference between being his woman and being his mama.
He is spiritually sound
For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church – 1 Corinthians 11:3
We need men who have developed their relationship with God enough, that he will be able to lead the family through trying times.
I find it distressing that in churches women make up most of the population fighting the family’s battle unassisted.
Get you a man who prays for you and prays with you.
Did you think I wouldn’t mention this? You lie! A ready-made man is a man that understands how to make and distribute wealth. No matter his financial level at the moment. He does not acquire to spend.
A ready-made man is a man who is adequately prepared to bring a woman into his life to build with him. Not suffer with him.
A ready-made man is a man who has a vision. If he knows where he is going, it’s just a matter of time till he gets there. If he doesn’t know where he is going – wait what are you doing with a man who doesn’t know where he is going?
He seeks your good
I wouldn’t leave you without telling you that until you get to that place with your man, where you can trust that his actions – whether or not you understand the motive behind it – will ultimately be for your good, don’t commit.
A man who pursues what’s best for you, won’t sacrifice you for his selfish purpose, considers you both as one – that dear sis, is a ready-made man and you can take him home to mama.
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Image credit: Your girl @adawrites find her on IG!