There’s no second chance to make a first impression.
Festive seasons are more often ‘lovers’ holiday, and in times like this, romantic relationships flourish. So if you have no bae and the thought of being alone is not looking attractive, then you are probably scheming (sixth-sense), and reading, ‘how to catch a bae in seven days’ (hopefully yours, not another woman’s). Christmas is fast approaching, and many of us are making plans with bae or already acting out long predestined plans, mostly involving travel (says my sixth-sense). Let’s talk about what attracts you to a potential boo.
We know men are huge on the physical; they tip the scale when compared to us, women. 80% of the time, a man makes his decisions based off on a woman’s physical assets – why you will hear guys in the midst of their gees say things like, ‘Oh, she’s not my type,’ on first sight ‘I like my woman supple in this portion, tiny waist, portable, slim, fair, big tummy(pun intended), I want her just about my height.’ I truly believe it’s our men who invented phrases like hourglass-figure and pear-shaped woman, and the qualifier which I find strangely disconcerting, ‘trophy wife’.
I have told myself that I don’t believe our women are that vain, that we consider more pertinent things in a man than his looks such as impressions; the vibe he gives off, the words that come off his mouth, his self-awareness, his interactions with others, before we even consider him at all? You have to admit there are some things you have carelessly acknowledged in a guy before deeming him attractive and worthy of your attention, aside from his looks, right?
So I decided to test the waters and ask them. I sat down for a chat with a few women, which proved, well, quite fascinating, and I promise, I am not going to narrate any, how I met boo, stories.
Five lovely women responded, and best believe that it seems like I deluded myself because almost all these women were like, ‘babe -with a sprinkle of side-eyes, looks o, looks first before we talk about who is vibing who and what energy is bouncing around’. However I have to give it to us that none of these women declared any physical specifications – I mean the tall dark and handsome we are used to hearing, coupled with a sly dash of Holy ghost filled and naira loaded(another pun intended). There was not much emphasis on wanting a tall, dark chocolate boo, or a hefty glass of orange juice-man. It really was a very interesting conversation that went down, and here is the gist.
When Faith got my message, her reply was, ‘you just put me on a hot seat’, and I typed an immediate response, ‘good morning to you too’, and we hit it off from there. For someone who deemed herself in the hot seat, she outdid herself with the revelations she spilt. The first thing she said to me was, ‘babe I am big on looks o, I check how handsome a guy is before I even look im side at all’. I laughed, because knowing her, this revelation did not surprise me. The other two things she described as her fait accompli is, ‘what he says, and how he says it and his social circle, which is very important’.
“It all depends on your spec, what do u like in a guy? As for me, I go for looks, it’s not just the men that go for looks. Again, I go for looks, it’s how handsome a guy is that will first make me want to give him a pleasant time to approach, if not…
The looks don’t mean that I will just fall stupidly for him. There are lots of handsome guys with chicken-brain. That is where you as a lady, needs to listen. I mean, when he opens his mouth to talk, listen to what is coming out and weigh it. That should tell you, how reasonable he is, to even want to have a second conversation with him.
Then you have to observe, if he is someone that stays close to you, it will give you a better opportunity to observe him – I am not saying you should turn to a monitoring spirit, oh. Just observe. I will even observe him to the point of how he walks 😏, well, that’s me and the kind of friends he walks with.”
And the babe went ahead to give us a generous boo tip.
“In getting a good man, I will say you should not focus on the outings. Instead, spend more time talking. Throw some questions to him directly or indirectly, see how he responds. Watch how he treats people. How does he react to things or issues that get him angry? Just observe everything. Conversations should tell you how a person is.”
Gift(Adawrites), sent me a prompt voice note, ‘babe, you have thrown us under the bus o, who said we don’t go for looks? Looks first, please.’
“You have ended up setting the girl-clan up, not just me. It has to start from the looks. We acknowledge it’s a guys thing but for this one, we too are interested in the looks. Now take this scenario, a guy walks up to you, he nor too fine, and then he opens his mouth – his voice is somehow sweet but what comes out of his lips is reasonable – yes, that is a turn on. Another guy…
She stops and laughs mischievously from the sordid picture she probably had up in her head.
“Okay, let me compile. His look is very important, but if I should decide to overlook and forgive him – just take the wisdom that is coming out from his mouth, then, he must be able to express himself, in simple and ‘clean’ English, I will be nice.”
Her criteria, ‘simple and clear English’ pricked my attention and I couldn’t help but ask, how do you meet a guy in this 21st century who doesn’t speak good English when undoubtedly the people in her social circle are graduates. I had to ask if this was even a valid criterion.
“Ah, ah, ah, this proof that you don’t go out. How can you not meet a guy in this 21st century that doesn’t speak good English? Sister, have you been living under a rock? There are plenty – well yes, minus intonation and accent. You’ve not had anybody tell you, ‘ hey ‘preetyy’, my names are…’ They are many. You know, it’s the smallest errors that hurt the most. Instead of using ‘is’, they use ‘are’ “.
“Is it really a valid criterion? Imagine you take a man home, and when he speaks, it’s your mum that will first detect that his English is not becoming. How will you feel within yourself? I used to Not forgive accents – like thick Igbo or Yoruba accents. It makes me look at him some type of way and our relationship, e get where e nor fit cross, but God touched my soul and, I am better, praise the Lord. Now I am not saying your grammar has to be on-point but watch it.”
“First things first, I look at his package; his appearance, how does he look, how does he talk, is he responsible? Now I do this assessment within 10-20 seconds, it doesn’t take time. For responsibility – I know that you can’t judge a book by its cover, but I can guarantee you, that 60 or roughly 70% of how a person really is, can be observed within that first interaction. I also look at character – the minute I sense he is arrogant, that’s my cue to turn off. I am not too big on the looks – if he talks well, he is funny, he is jovial, you can be sure I will trip.”
According to this baby girl, a guy has to take a long look in the mirror if she is to spare him a glance.
“If I find that I am physically attracted to him, then I will consider him, but sometimes a person may look good until they talk and I apprehend a dumbhead(this cracked me up). So that’s a very big turnoff. His charm – I actually like people that smile a lot, friendly, not rude or nasty, and he associates well with people. The basic thing is; looks, personality and a man who is simply himself, and not a people pleaser.”
“As a lady, I am not too keen on looks rather, I will have a conversation with you to determine that you are not just a container, there is content, and the content is valuable. He has to be a child of God; a lover and server of God. He should know what he wants, have a vision with a blueprint. Also, I am not ready to commit to a guy that has not exhibited maturity in his thinking.”
She cut straight to the point, ‘an arrogant man is not welcome!”.
The most important thing to do when bae hunting, is to have at the back of your mind, the traits you can’t compromise on. This way, you don’t get a second-class boo